Pat testing. Is it sexy?

Pat Testing

Pat testing. Is it sexy?.

Well, it certainly has it’s moments.

Navy blue nondescript uniform, long hair tied back in a pony tail, little make-up and drawing pins stuck in the back of my filthy hands, I feel inclined to say Pat testing is most definitely NOT sexy.

I know of a few male colleagues who have been propositioned while at work of a night, by a stay late office worker who fancies her chances with the tradesman on her desk.

But as a female pat tester I have had a fair share of dubious sexual remarks thrown in my direction, from some surprising quarters, and the not so surprising.
The High Court Judge, who commented ‘it is good to see a woman on her knees so early in the day’ as I crawled beneath his Chambers desk, seeking the plug top for his gold flexed table lamp.

The army officer, on seeing me kneeling, rewiring a plug, commented ‘while you’re down there love!’

On the floor, under a desk, arse in the air in my Dickies trousers, I have many a time heard a female office worker come into her colleagues office, only to congratulate her as ‘there is a man under your desk’
Nope. Disappointingly, its just me.
No bronzed abs, no chilled can of a certain ridiculously famous fizzy pop waiting to cool me down, no sweat falling enticingly down my chiseled jawline.

Sweat, yes.
But not the sexy kind.

But I digress, as these are sexual comments, not sexy.

Sexy is getting the job done well, with minimum fuss and disruption, with a fair quota of fails and repairs to show it is a worthwhile trade and not a ‘licence to print money’ (surely if that was the case, the company car wouldn’t be an environmental and cheap Ford Fiesta parked outside).

Sexy is having the report, invoice and certificate completed and emailed the same day as the testing ends.

Sexy is a near 94% retention rate for our clients.

But most of all, pat testing is sexy because it potentially saves lives and although our uniform isn’t on a par with that of the policeman, fireman or soldier, we wear it with pride and confidence as we slip on greasy kitchen floors, bang our heads on desks, cut our fingers in floor traps, kneel on drawing pins and toenails (yep that has happened), fend off sexist comments and despair at the lack of offers of cups of tea.

What could be sexier than that?



  1. Elfin said,

    March 24, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    Brilliant, lets just say I know where you are coming from. Keep the blogs coming.

    • March 24, 2013 at 3:59 pm

      Thank you Elfin 🙂 I shall try to find yet more excitable stuff to talk about in this oh so sexy world of pat’s lol. I have a few stories and experiences up my sleeve.

  2. Pete Denman said,

    March 29, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    Brilliant stuff, imaginative, believable and with a sense of humor, but keeping it real.
    Good work
    Cannot wait for more.

    • March 31, 2013 at 10:53 am

      Thanks Pete. I have left out some of the more salubrious details heehee. Perhaps I should just go with them too next time.

      Next one being written as we speak, but venturing into the world of infographics, so wish me luck 🙂

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